“Control your own boundaries”

Creative Career Conundrums is a weekly advice column from If You Could Jobs. Each week their selected panel of professionals from the creative industry answers your burning career questions to help you navigate the creative journey.

This week’s question:

I’m lucky to have a great open work environment, but my manager, who is just about ten years younger than me, often overshares personal details and treats me more like a friend than a team member. To be honest, they remind me of my younger siblings and I really want to make a division. I want to keep a relationship friendly but I really need to establish professional boundaries without making things awkward.

How do I set boundaries with my manager without souring the relationship?

Katie Cadwell, co-founder of branding studio Lucky Dip and The NDA Podcast:

This is a tricky question. It’s not an easy line to tread – building relationships with your co-workers is important, but maintaining respect and professionalism should always be the priority.

The first thing you can do is control your own boundaries. It’s possible that in trying to get to know your manager, you’ve helped establish a more casual relationship. How much are you sharing back? By altering how you respond, you can subtly imply you want to keep the conversation professional. If they ask how you are, respond with something like “Yeah great, I’ve been working on X this morning…” or “A little stressed since the meeting yesterday…” etc. Try to dial down the small talk and jump into work talk as quickly as possible. It won’t always be possible, but it should help redress the balance of your conversations.

Next, take a look at your boundaries outside of work. Make sure you’re only talking during work hours, and skip Whatsapp or any way of communicating that might blur the lines.

If that doesn’t help, it might be time to have a conversation with them. Request more formal check-ins, with a clear manager/employee dynamic. It’s all about introducing some formality back into your working relationship. You could do this under the guise of focussing on your progression. Phrase it like “I don’t want the fact that we’re good friends to stop me getting the support and training I need”. You’re not saying you don’t want to know them, you’re saying your progression should take priority, and reminding them that their job is to teach you – and you’re very willing to learn!

Ultimately, if you want the relationship to change, you might have to break some eggs.

But remember it’s not personal. Management styles have changed over the years. Different generations manage their team how they would like to be managed – and that’s not working for you. A manager’s role is to receive feedback from their staff and do what they can to make your life (and job) as easy as possible.

In answering your creative career conundrums we realise that some issues need expert support, so we’ve collated a list of additional resources that can support you across things that might arise at work.

If You Could is the jobs board from It’s Nice That, the place to find jobs in the creative industries.

Want to stay on top of your job search? Or keep an ear out for when your dream job arrives on our site? Click here to set up tailored job alerts arriving straight into your inbox so you never miss an opportunity. See below for the latest opportunities: